It is one thing to go on and on about your worth. It is another thing to go on and on about what you think you are worth. While boasting is not a healthy activity, and can be annoying, to present an inflated view of oneself is worse. One of the biggest turn-offs on the planet is a conceited person. Conceit is defined as “excessive appreciation of one's own worth or virtue.” We all know someone who thinks more highly of themselves than they ought. You may know a few. These people are out of touch with the reality of who they actually are. If they are a 5, they think they are a 10, even though everyone who loves them may see them as a 7. It is this fanciful idea of self-worth that causes them to say and do things that are ridiculously self-serving. I think the first vision of a conceited person that pops into our mind is the stereotypical cheerleader or model who seems to think they are God’s gift to the world, apparently based on their looks. Obviously every cheerleader and model is not conceited. After all, I am handsome enough to be a top tier model, and I am not conceited. Wait… was I just conceited? Conceit is often born when we seek to find our true value in something other than what God has done for us. It is easy for a model or cheerleader to become conceited because they spend so much time in front of a mirror, and are in a market where their looks are the key element for a competitive edge. But conceit is not only found among those who make their bacon by their physical image. Conceit is alive and well anywhere people are trying to push their way to the top. You will find conceit in the business realm, sports field, political community, and even in families. Conceit is a form of pride, and there are a few areas where prides rears its ugly head. There are 5 general areas of life that will give rise to conceit: · Pride of Face – Some people become conceited because they are, or think they are more physically attractive than others · Pride of Race – Some people think they are better than they are because they believe their race is better than other races. · Pride of Lace – Some people have an excessive appreciation of their own worth because they have more material wealth than others. · Pride of Place – Some people think they are better because of where they are from. Usually these are Yankees. We Southerners are much too genteel to engage in pride. (See what I did there?!?) This one can also happen based on one’s place in culture due to education, etc. · Pride of Grace – Some people actually think they have more worth because of their relationship with God. This happens between religions, and also between denominations. This one is certainly strange, but pervasive. There are obviously other areas of life where you will find conceit. But they don’t end with ‘ace’, so I didn’t use them. But conceit is not a good trait. We know that about others, but do we know about it in ourselves. The apostle Paul, when explaining what love is and is not said this, “Love is not conceited.” (1 Corinthians 13:4) Later on in the passage, Paul says love is greater than faith and hope in the whole scheme of things. But love is not conceited? Love is the greatest. So there is no reason to excessively appreciate it. Love is already the top. We need to understand that in God’s value system, we can’t be more than we are. So when we try to value ourselves as more than we are, we come off looking worse than we are. Conceit has no place in your life because your worth cannot be any higher. Chances are, people love you as a 3 as if you were a 13. But when you exhibit yourself as a 13 when you are a 10, you come across as a 3. If you struggle with self-worth, know that you are loved by the people in your life. That love, if it is real makes up for any lack in your life. When you feel like a 3, and they tell you that you are a 10 to them, it isn’t an inflated view. It is what love says, and love is not conceited. Today, have a proper estimation of yourself. Do not be conceited, and treat with compassion the one who is conceited, as Christ does. Find more of David’s work at Heart Of Ministry. Nobody likes a bragger like a bragger likes a bragger. The man was going on and on about his accomplishments in sports, business, hunting, and everything else in his life. He stopped for a moment to take a breath before he went on, smiled and said, “Now, I don’t like to brag.” I responded, “That’s a shame… because you are so good at it.” Such people are referred to as a “Me-monster”. They take over conversations and relationships by giving their resume… every time. Some do this for a sense of significance or legitimacy. Others may not know how it comes across. Some are just mean and jealous and want to promote themselves to beat out someone else. Self-promoters do not build others up because they simply don’t have time. They are too busy focusing on themselves. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else in the room has accomplished, it is never as good. Boasting about one’s own achievements is common, but that doesn’t make it healthy. No one ever brags on a bragger. People who might normally be impressed with what you can do, will likely not be impressed with you going on and on about what you’ve done. To boast is to ‘puff up oneself in speech; express too much pride in yourself or something you have done’. The apostle Paul wrote to the early Christians about love. In one of the most moving pieces of literature in history he tells what love is, and what it is not. One of the things he says is, “Love is not boastful.” (1 Corinthians 13:4) The idea is not that love does not accomplish great things. But rather that love does not promote itself. We happen to know that love accomplishes the greatest things in life. But it does not shine the light on itself. This is important for us to understand if we are to love people as Christ did. Have you ever had someone do something wonderful for you, and then go around talking about the good thing they did? Did you ever get to the point where you wish they had not done that good thing to begin with? Goodness can get lost in vanity. Or how about the situation when it is your birthday or Christmas, and a friend watches with delight as you open their present. You show appreciation, and then they proceed to pounce with, “Do you really like the gift? I thought you would. When I saw it, I thought of you. I hope you like it. I wanted to get you something special.” By the time they are done bragging about getting you a special gift, you aren’t sure you like the gift anymore. We were made to love. By loving well, with a self-sacrificing love like we find in Paul’s letter, we exhibit the same love that took Jesus to the cross. We actually know that ultimate story of love, not because Christ keeps telling us what He did for us, but because people who have been profoundly affected by that loving act keep telling other people. Jesus didn’t have to boast about Himself. His act prompted others to brag on His love for them. We should be the same way. If you act in love, you won’t have to tell people about your love. Your love will tell people about you. This warning against boasting is not meant to suggest that you have not accomplished great things, or that those things are not important enough to share. It is simply to say that we should spend more time doing good things in love, and less time talking about how loving we are. If you are going to boast, boast about Jesus. Boast about someone else. Today, do not be a boaster. Be a toaster. Stand and applaud the loving work of others. That in itself is a great act of true love. And for that, I salute you. (See… isn’t it better when others pat you on the back instead of trying to do it yourself?) Find more of David’s work at Heart Of Ministry. In some ways it is easier to love someone who we feel is at a disadvantage. We love to love on those who have some sort of challenge that we do not have. People stand in line to love the homeless, the mentally disabled, and those who are physically challenged. Self-sacrifice comes pretty easy when we feel like we have something to offer. And it should. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving ‘the least of these’. Jesus urged us to do so. Something special happens when we love someone who needs a hand up. It is easy to love someone we feel is our peer. Shared experiences are a connector, and often nurture a loving relationship. There is a bond you feel with people who are similar. Love grows easily in such a relationship. Love should come easy, but it should also be tested if it is to be trusted. Love is tested in several ways. One of these ways is by our interaction with people who have an advantage over us, or seem to have an advantage over us in some way. We live in a culture that is consumed with envy. Envy is a ‘painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.’ If that does not represent our society today, I don’t know what does. There is gender envy, race envy, economic envy, education envy, and a multitude of others. Envy is not of God. It does not build relationships. It is poisonous. It is not new, but it has become an industry. Minorities are supposed to be envious of the ‘dominant culture.’ Women are supposed to be envious of men, who have obviously had no challenges in life. Poor people should be envious of those who have been blessed with material gain. There are books, conferences, blogs, and organizations that fuel this envy machine. This industry tears apart our social fabric. The idea that I want the advantage someone else has, so I resent them for it is insidious. Envy is not compatible with contentment. Neither can you love someone if you envy them. The apostle Paul, while explaining the nature of love said, “Love does not envy.” (1 Corinthians 13:4) Love can do a lot of things, but being envious is not one of those things. Love is a unifier. Envy is a separator. Love is a lifter. Envy is a sinker. Love is a builder. Envy is a destroyer. Love focuses on human similarities. Envy focuses on material differences. If I wouldn’t treat someone differently because they have a disadvantage, why would I treat another differently because they have an advantage? God gives to each according to what He wills. When I am envious of someone instead of loving them, I am telling God that He messed up. God actually placed Himself at a disadvantage when He became human. But Jesus was never envious. Some people are much more likely to express and act on envious tendencies than others. The enemy knows this, and will take every opportunity to engage this battle. Whether the envy is based on achievement, gender, image, talents, race, or any number of things where you sense you are at a disadvantage, you must choose to love as Christ did. Today you will be envied by someone, and you will have the opportunity to be envious of others. It is good to remember that life circumstances change. So the person who has the advantage today may be at a disadvantage tomorrow. You cannot know all that has happened in a person’s life. The thing you see as an advantage may actually be the result of hard work, or a special blessing of God. At the same time, you don’t know all of the problems that go with their ‘advantage’. It could be the weight of their advantage is crushing them. Your envy is not what they need. Your love is. Either way, we know things can change in a heartbeat. If you are going to love based on things that change, you may want to call it something other than love. Find more of David’s work at Heart Of Ministry. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “random acts of kindness”. It sort of became a movement several years ago. Apparently kindness had become such a rare thing that people were being encouraged to be intentional about doing random kind things. This is both unfortunate and nonsensical. It is unfortunate that kindness has become so limited that people feel like they need to create a movement to spur on such acts. It is nonsensical because if you are intentional about something, it isn’t random. But the bigger picture is that we all understand that we need to be kind. Isn’t this one of the first things we learned from our parents? So what happens that causes us to lose the basic human expression of kindness? Well, we find out that being sarcastic will get you a laugh. We find that everyone wasn’t raised by parents who taught kindness. We see that back-stabbing can accomplish some things that a smile will not. We find that offering a fake smile can do the same thing back-stabbing can, but with less blood. We learn that kindness is seen as weakness. And eventually, when enough people have ditched true kindness, people begin to assume that every act of kindness is simply a way to get what you want. Kindness is now actually used as a ploy to get your way, or seen as a ploy to get what you want. This goes against the very nature of what it means to be kind. To be kind is to, “have or show a gentle nature and a desire to help others : wanting and liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others.” We see a pure form of this sometimes, and we are in awe. When someone does something very nice for another person without any fanfare, we can be brought to tears. Kindness is that activity which if everyone would practice it every day, the world would surely be a better place. It is helping an older person across the street, or teaching them how to use their phone to skype with their grandchildren. It is buying a homeless person a steak dinner when they just tried to hustle you out of $1.87. It is the cashier finding that the snacks she just scanned for you are really for her next break. And it is doing these things because you want to. Some people force themselves to do kind things. I suppose this is better than avoiding the kind thing simply because they are actually mean. But it is better for kindness to flow from who you actually are. The apostle Paul was writing to a people who had a skewed understanding of personal relationships, and in describing love he said, “Love is kind.” Notice that he didn’t say, “Love tries to be kind,” or “Love works up kindness.” He said, “Love is kind.” (1 Corinthians 13:4) Kindness is in the nature of love. But remember, this ‘love’ is a self-sacrificing, putting others first, not looking for a medal kind of love. Being kind is what naturally happens when you truly love. Kindness is not something you should turn on and off according to the situation. A loving person is kind regardless of the situation or circumstances. Think of the kindest person in your life. Why would you classify them as kind? What do they do that is kind? Are they only kind when it benefits them? Do you think being kind is a chore for them? How does their kindness affect how you view them as a person? Now… would anyone in your life think of you as the kindest person they know? That may not be a fair question… but I think it is a good one. The goal in life is not to perform random acts of kindness (which is not a bad thing). The goal is to intentionally love people as God does, and watch the kindness flow from within and change lives. Today, have a gentle nature and desire to help others. Not to make a sale, but to build a person. Truly desire to do good things and bring happiness to others. Not to get a discount on your purchase, but to make someone else’s world a better place. For more from the "What is Love?" series... Love is Patient Find more of David’s work at Heart Of Ministry. Patience is not my strong point. Perhaps it is for you. I think I am patient in those overarching life issues. I can bear the wait and all of the attending struggles that go with big important things. But sitting in a traffic jam is not easy to deal with. I’m not as bad as I used to be. But still… who wants to wait on someone else to get out of the way, right? Some people are extremely patient. They can wait, and wait, and... You see, patience is not a lack of concern about the clock. It is not the act of not caring about time. Patience is about caring enough to wait in a peaceful state until the issue is resolved. In this sense, being patient is a choice you make. It is about using your time to care about other people. Patience is not about not caring about time. It is caring more about the people you are loving than the time you are losing. To be patient is to be able to ‘remain calm and not become annoyed when waiting for a long time or when dealing with problems or difficult people’. So then, patience is ‘the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient.’ There is something natural about being patient. We were born after nine months of waiting. Much of our childhood is spent doing some things we dislike until we are able to do what we wanted to do. But as humans, we get to a point where patience is not forced upon us. Then we actually have to choose to be patient. When you get a car, you get freedom. The fact that you can go means you should be going, right? And anything that gets in the way of our going will test our patience. This points to the idea that patience is a test of who is most important. If you find an impatient person, you will find a person who believes and acts as if the world revolves around them. Impatience is a revealer of self-centeredness, or selfishness. Patience would then be a revealer of proper perspective. In my own situation, even though I don’t always win the patience battle sitting in traffic, I came to a point where I realized that if there was a traffic jam, it was probably because someone was having trouble. Initially I would think I was having trouble, becoming late for an appointment, wasting fuel, being unproductive. But in reality, I was sitting on the interstate because someone else’s life may have changed forever. I may be an hour late, but someone else just lost their car in an accident… or worse… someone may have just lost their child or spouse in an accident. Or maybe a person died in the accident. This has helped me to deal with my impatience. I now make a choice to think and pray about the other people involved, even if I don’t know them. This enables me to wait it out. I practice patience. I have ‘the capacity to remain calm and not become annoyed when waiting a long time.’ So I do it. The same principle is true in personal relationships. The apostle Paul talks about the nature and traits of love in 1 Corinthians 13. In telling us about what love is, the first thing he says is, “Love is patient.” Love is willing to wait over time because of a difficult person. We can say, “I love you” in about one second. But true love cannot be expressed in a second. True love is self-sacrificing. And part of that self-sacrifice is our time. As believers we must exchange our clock for God’s clock. He lives in a different time dimension. He truly loves us. So He is patient when we are slow. If we truly love, we will be patient when others are slow. When I live in the reality that your world does not spin around me, it makes it easier to be calm when you don’t keep step in my time. Getting annoyed at your pace does not build our relationship even if it causes you to speed up. There are many things I learn and add to my life when I am patient with people. When I am impatient, frantic, and annoyed, I rarely improve as a person. And I certainly do not add good things to others. There is absolutely no doubt your patience will be tested today. It is a 100% certainty. How will you respond? Will you freak out? Will annoyance take over your life causing you to do things that will make others miserable? Or will you calmly recognize that your waiting it out will result in better relationships and a better you? Patience is your choice. The problems may be put upon you, but you choose how you will handle them. Find more of David’s work at Heart Of Ministry. |
AuthorMy name is David, and I want to know God more, and help other people find Him. Archives
March 2019
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